


Let Try This Again

by wtfquitplayin



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Accepting love, Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Letting walls down, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Picking up where they left off, Reunions, Smut, Waiting, Years Later, vulnerable killua
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:37:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21561259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtfquitplayin/pseuds/wtfquitplayin
Summary: Gon and Killua haven't seen each other in three years but make up for lost time.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 8
Kudos: 150





	Let Try This Again

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I added some bits and pieces of the original story, not really, but kind of.. but just go with it :). Also it's a little fast paced and maybe some day I'll dedicate myself to writing a whole fanfic, but until now the one shots will suffice. 
> 
> \----------
> 
> “I was waiting.”
> 
> “For three years?”
> 
> “For you to reach out.”

It had been too long since Killua had seen Gon, his only interaction being in irregular messages, too long since he laid eyes on the golden brown eyes that carried the warmth he had been desperately looking for. But, now years after them splitting up, Killua had felt cold from the second he turned away with Alluka. He wanted to snap his shoulders back to the tree Gon was destined to climb, with his father sitting on top, almost wanted to tell him to not go. But the thought was forced out of his mind, he knew this was Gon’s dream long before he even met Killua, he just felt so lost. So _cold_.

But of course, he never admitted it hurt, the pain was bearable to an extent, and that meant he was fine. He woke up and started each day with a slight twinge in his heart, and the feeling lingered until he slept. The cycle was continuous and irregular, some days hurting a little more than others, the pain feeling deep enough to tamper with the outside of his soul. All because of Gon.

And so, he raised out of bed, blinking a second too long as the long string of pain seemed curl around him. He moved as if nothing had happened, the moment of hesitation was so miniscule you wouldn’t even register it, unless you were Alluka. She was observant in nature, becoming even more so as she was around Killua. She was in the restroom glancing over as he sat up, inhaling sharper as she could notice his slight shift. Sadness traveled through her fingertips rushing down to her feet, she hated seeing Killua in this state.

“You should call him,” Alluka spoke softly, wincing at her own tone, afraid of her brother’s response.

“Who?”

“ _Brother_ ,” her tone quickly turned stern, annoyed suddenly. There was one thing about feeling bad for him, but she wouldn’t sit here and allow him to act oblivious.

“Alluka,” he responded, sounding distant even as his icy blue eyes connected with hers.

“You miss him- “

“Enough.”

Alluka sighed and didn’t bother pushing any further, but she really did hope he would call him soon.

‘You miss him,’ lingered in Killua’s brain and found itself in folds and empty spaces, the words liquified and hardened. Stuck.

‘You miss him,’ his finger ghosted his phone in his pocket, grasping it softly, and bringing it to his vision, he typed out Gon’s number by memory. He wanted so badly to hear his voice.

‘You miss him,’ he _did_ miss him, missed his stupid smile, the way he the green looked against his tanned skin, his stubbornness. His fingers trembled as he went to push the call button.

‘You miss him,’ the numbers deleted off his screen, phone slipped into his pocket, feet one in front of another, and he went about his day.

Vulnerability never sat well in Killua anyway.

Nightfall came upon them quickly, Killua and Alluka spending their day quietly. Killua usually took them out and found various ways to practice, making sure he stayed sharp while Alluka studied basic curriculum for classes. He knew she would never be able to have a normal childhood or life for that matter, but he wanted to try and give her one. They stayed in various hotels or if Leorio or Kurapika found themselves around, with them. But right now, they were situated in a hotel room that had 2 rooms conjoined by a restroom and Killua found himself laying flat on his back along the white linen, eyes fixated on the white ceiling above him. He could feel Alluka’s gaze on him and stopped himself from flinching as she sat down at the edge of his bed.

“Brother?”

Killua didn’t look up even though he could feel her burning gaze, “yes?”

“Do you love him?”

As the simple question rolled off of Alluka’s tongue Killua was sent back in time when he found himself in Yorknew years ago helping Kurapika with the phantom troupe. He had found himself with Melody, both of them staking out and observing for any movement between the spiders. Killua was never inclined to speak but Melody was, finding the ex-assassin interesting.

“It’s nice to see you helping Kurapika,” Melody spoke softly.

“It wasn’t exactly my first choice,” Killua responded, eyes rolling just a tad bit as he remembered Gon’s volunteering, “Gon has a sweet spot for dangerous situations.”

“Who?”

“Gon, the boy who only wears green,” Melody hummed in a certain tone like she noted something from the brief conversation, Killua glanced over at her a puzzling look danced in his eyes.

“Your heartbeat,” she started, “it almost skips a beat when you say his name.”

“What?”

“I can hear things as quiet as heartbeats, they tell a lot about a person, yours is calm. It has an undertone of uncertainty and also laced with deep pain, but when you say his name,” she paused for a moment unsure how to go about her observation, “it’s almost as if it skips a beat, it brings warmth.”

Killua’s cheeks heated up and was thankful for the darkness of the night, he turned away in embarrassment, and with the gradual increasing speed of Killua’s heart Melody didn’t say another word.

Killua shook this memory out of his head, the same blush creeping up his neck like the same night years ago, avoiding her question fully, “Okay I’ll call him.”

His hand was shaky as he once again typed in the forbidden phone number, he was outside the building letting the cold wind sting his face and wrap around him. As he was forced to listen to the ringing that took place, his heart pumped erratically. He cursed at himself at the time, it was close to midnight, he wasn’t even sure if Gon would be awake-

“Killua? Hello!” the voice was chipper from the other side, and Killua felt like running, crying, and throwing up all at the same time, “how have you been? What have you been doing? Are you still with Alluka? I miss you.”

God Killua couldn’t even breathe, couldn’t handle the emotions running through his brain that made his body covered in heat, ‘I missed you too,’ he thought never finding the courage to speak them, “hey Gon,” his voice was barely above a whisper.

“Killua,” he could hear the smile behind the phone, “I’ve _missed_ you.”

“You already said that.”

“I know, where are you?” Gon didn’t pay attention to how Killua hadn’t answered any of his other questions, the 18 year old boy just kept talking.

“Yorknew city,” he felt so dizzy.

“Okay stay there, or not, I’m coming.”

“You’re coming? After 3 years, you’re telling me all I had to do was call and you would come?”

But the other side of the line fell dead and when Alluka opened the door from the aggressive bangs that could’ve easily blasted the wood off its hinges, she expected a lot of things but a white haired boy steaming smoke with his hands clenched to his sides was the last thing.

He stomped past the youngish girl, and she realized it wasn’t smoke but electricity that encased him. Small static lifted all over his body, and she shivered as he zapped by, “what’s wrong?”

“He’s coming,” Killua said, Alluka seeming confused at first, “I called, and he told me that he was coming here, it took him three fucking years and a stupid phone call.”

She reached out to touch him, to comfort him in any way, until she noticed the steady stream of tears rolling down his cheeks. She couldn’t put her finger quite on it but the aura he gave off didn’t seem completely clouded in hostility, it was mixed with something else, something stronger-

Relief.

The next few days were quiet, neither of them exactly knew where Gon was coming from, or how long it would take him to get here. But Killua swore he could feel a shift before they decided to call it a night, the feeling shot through him and rattled his insides making all his nerves alive. ‘Gon is in Yorknew city,’ he thought to himself and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as he submersed into sleep.

It had to be only a couple hours later when Killua was awoken with a soft, but loud enough, knock on the door. Killua shot straight out bed, white hair stuck up in unnatural formations, and silently he walked through the furniture. He didn’t bother to look through the hole, his hand found the knob despite the darkness and his unadjusted eyes, twisting it ever so slowly. Killua pulled the door open, eyes meeting with the ones belonging to his best friends, amber meeting blue.

“Killua,” Gon smiled, “I missed you.”

Killua was beginning to think that’s all Gon would be able to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to be upset in the moment, gulping back the lump that formed in his throat, he let his highly built walls down just a tad bit, “I missed you too.”

They stood, Killua holding the door open with his hip, Gon still in the hallway of the hotel, admiring each other. “Can I come in?” Gon asked scratching the back of his neck.

“Oh shit, yeah,” something told Killua he should get used to the redness that crept on to his skin, “sorry.”

Gon stepped in only carrying a small bag, dropping it at the front of the room, he turned as Killua closed the door, waiting to be face to face with him again. As soon as Killua’s body faced his again, he threw open his arms tackling the slightly smaller boy into a hug. Killua usually would’ve felt embarrassed but instead he found his hands around Gon’s waist, curling his fingers around the fabric of his shirt, head fitting into the crook of his neck. They both stayed connected, Gon whispered “I’m sorry for not coming sooner.”

“Why didn’t you,” Killua wondered out loud, voice cracking in the end.

They pulled apart, Gon lingered his hands around Killua’s biceps for a couple seconds longer than necessary, “If I’m being honest I’m not sure. Part of me thought you wanted time with Alluka, another part of me thought you were still mad,” Killua’s head hung low, “I was waiting.”

“For three years?”

“For you to reach out.”

This surprised him, Gon was never the one to wait for anything, his best guess in the change of heart was the time he spent with Ging. All he could do was shake his head, he knew Gon wasn’t unaware of his inability to express things, he wasn’t unaware of the risk he was taking by letting Killua be in charge of their reunion, “Well I hope you had a fun three years,” he spat out, suddenly frustrated as he thought about it more.

“Don’t be like that,” it sounded more like a plea than an order.

“What do you want me to say Gon?” Gon stayed quiet so Killua continued, “we were together for years and for the past three I’ve had to sit back and tell myself ‘he’s probably busy,’ when you were just waiting?”

“I thought you needed space- “

“Well next time ask, pick up the phone and _ask_ ,” tears built up in his eyes, he closed them, and focused on his breathing.

He felt hands touch his own, massaging his nimble fingers, “there won’t be a next time, I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I know that’s why I made this one,” and Killua had shivers down his spine because he felt it, felt the honesty and determination in Gon’s voice. It wasn’t enough to calm him completely, but it was a start. The boil of anger turned into a slight simmer, and before he knew it he was forced into another hug.

“C’mon idiot, I can only take so much affection,” he pushed at his chest.

“It’s been three years,” he whined, “I’m warranted at least a couple hugs.”

He wanted to tell the raven haired boy ‘And who’s fault is that again?’ but decided against it, instead he rolled his eyes and strolled across the room sitting on his bed. Gon followed him sitting down in a chair a few feet away from Killua.

Gon spoke first, “So, tell me everything, how’s it been with Alluka, is she here?”

“Yeah, she’s in the other room,” he pointed to a door across the room, “but it’s been fine, I can’t really complain about much, Illumi is still an issue, but nothing I’m really worried about right now. How about you?”

“I haven’t done much since I spent some time with Ging, we ended up going on a few jobs together. I met new people saw new things but ended up going back to Whale Island for a little bit.”

“Missed Aunt Mito’s cooking that bad huh?”

“Yeah something like that,” he gave a soft smile, “my great-grandmother wasn’t doing so well, I needed to go back and help.”

“Gon I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t expect you to, the funeral was nice though, and I got to spend some time with her, it’s okay,” Killua admired his positivity, “Aunt Mito misses you though, you should visit her soon.”  
Killua nodded, he missed her too along with the quaintness of Whale Island in general, “I still remember when I visited for the first time.”

“Remember when she made you eat the red pepper?”

Killua grimaced, “ _Yes_ , God that was awful, I tried to warn you all…”

Gon let out a muffled laugh, hidden by his palms, “remember the forest?” His tone shifted from comical to serious.

The hairs on Killua’s neck stood up, they hadn’t ever talked about what happened that night, they slipped it into a memory book that had locks all around the edges, the keys thrown into the deepest part of the ocean. All for Killua’s sake.

“Do you?” He asked again since Killua seemed trapped in his thoughts.

“Gon,” his body felt tense.

“Where we talked about what we were going to do after Whale Island, where we talked about my mother, where..”

No interruption was needed. Gon looked into Killua’s icy eyes that had a look of pure fear in them, he searched for something, anything that told him that night wasn’t a fluke despite them being so young.

While Gon searched Killua _remembered_. If he tried hard enough he could still feel the texture of the hardened rock they laid against, the quiet buzzing of the insects still in his head. They had established a plan between them, Gon would look for his dad and Killua would look for his purpose, but they would be together. Both of them shared the importance of the friendship that mutually flowed between them, appreciative of each other. At some point later in the night they were knee to knee, gazing up at the stars, but Killua found himself more interested to the boy to his left. He had always found Gon intriguing and he had the perfect opportunity to steal glances at him, blaming it on the scenery that surrounded them at all angles. Killua had glanced over at one point being met with Gon’s eyes and a wide grin.

“Why’re you smiling so big?” Killua questioned still holding eye contact.

“It feels right,” Gon whispered, and Killua secretly agreed, he just restrained himself.

They still didn’t stop holding eye contact even after no more words floated between them, Killua couldn’t help but glance down at Gon’s lips that now formed a softer smile. His head seemed so heavy and he didn’t understand why but he wondered what it would be like to close the distance between them. Both of the boys had inched together slowly, noses grazing each other, Gon went in to fully connect their lips when Killua snapped his head away. His heart was practically beating out of his chest, face red with embarrassment. He saw Gon out of his side vision shake his head and return to gazing at the stars.

And, they never spoke about the incident again.

But now Gon was in front of him for the first time in three years making Killua relive the experience again, it was the first time Killua had to analyze their friendship, ultimately beating himself up for the way his body went into flight every time it had the chance. And Gon was still waiting for an answer, “No I don’t remember,” maybe a lie would stop this conversation.

Gon picked up where he left off, “where we almost kissed,” he finished.

“We were like 12.”

“So, you do remember!” Killua couldn’t tell if his tone was excited or upset due to Killua lying at first.

“Of course I remember,” he took a pillow from beside him and buried his head in it, groaning as he wanted this conversation to be over.

“I went back there a lot when I went home, found myself looking at the stars a lot, I missed you being right next to me.”

“Oh,” he managed to get out as he lifted his head from the pillow, head still hanging down.

“Made me realize a lot,” he paused for a second, “like that I really wish you wouldn’t have turned your head away.”

“ _Gon_!” Killua exclaimed, ‘what the fuck has gotten into him,’ he thought to himself.

“What? It’s the truth!”

“Why are you bringing this up? Why is this relevant?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry, never mind,” the tan boy’s cheeks were warm and pink.

Killua could sense the truth wasn’t being told, since when did Gon keep secrets? “You’re lying,” he boldly said. He expected Gon to at least fight a little harder, but his shoulders slumped down, a sigh coming from between his broken apart lips. Killua felt his own eyes soften at the sight, “Gon I’m just kidding, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“It’s… it’s not that,” he took a deep breath, “there’s just more reason to why I didn’t call.”

Killua shrugged his eyebrows up, intrigued, “Like what?”

“It’s embarrassing,” Gon groaned.

“You’re always embarrassing, one more time won’t kill either of us,” Killua stayed calm on the outside but could feel his insides start to turn. Gon whispered something inaudible, “speak up.”

“I think I might be in love with you Killua.”

Oh. _Oh_. Killua turned whiter than he already was at this point, eyes wide, mouth agape. He couldn’t help but think of what Melody would say about his heartbeat right now. Even though it was beating at an ungodly rate, he hoped she would describe it as a bird that had just been set free. Killua was shaken out of is thoughts as he heard the doorknob turn, his body moved quick as lightening, zapping to Gon, pulling him back, “where are you going?”

Gon looked surprised, “I thought I should leave, it’s okay, I don’t need pity,” he patted his small bag that was draped over his shoulder while his other hand scratched the back of his head, “I kinda expected this to happen that’s why I only brought this. I just wanted to let you know- “

“That you’re in love with me?”

“Um yeah- “

“And then you were just gonna leave?” Killua’s eyebrows furrowed, eyes darting around trying to piece this together, “again?”

“I…” Gon tried to find an answer, “I just thought…”

Killua wanted to laugh, “you should stop thinking so much, you’re really bad at it,” he held on to Gon’s arm and pulled him back across the room sitting him on the bed this time right next to himself.  
It was Gon’s turn to look confused now and Killua wanted to scream, he wished he could say what was and has been on his mind, he wished he could just tell him how he _felt_. They sat awkwardly as Killua battled with himself back and forth, he understood the ball was in his court, but what was he supposed to do? He took a deep breath, flexing and curling his fingers, “can we maybe try the forest thing again?”

Gon’s head snapped to his own and the smile that played on his lips made Killua want to bury himself in a hole, “there’s no stars though?”

‘God why did he have to make things so hard,’ he thought as he made fists with both his hands, “I think we can manage without them.”

They situated themselves both sitting together at the edge of the bed, to anyone else it would’ve looked a bit peculiar, but it had both of them shaking a tad bit, anticipating what would happen next. Gon was the first to look over, taking notice of the elegance of Killua’s features. Killua swallowed hard and took a look over to his right inhaling sharply as he caught Gon admiring him.

“Hey, you should be grinning right now,” Killua spoke, voice wobbly.

Gon ignored him and snaked his right hand to cup Killua’s jaw, “can’t let you get away this time.”

They inched closer, Killua inhaling sharply as their lips brushed against each other, and he stopped a whine from coming out. At the same time they moved forward creating a rough connection between their lips but neither of the boys minded. They moved clumsily until they found a nice rhythm, Gon’s tongue grazed Killua’s bottom lip, and Killua tried to tease at first but a second later Gon found himself exploring Killua’s mouth. They both found themselves trying to deepen the kiss and as they resituated themselves it was made possible. Gon was on top of Killua who volunteered to lay back, and with only a sliver of space separating them they were practically as close as they could get.

Killua sucked on Gon’s tongue receiving a moan from him, and Gon was interested in hearing the sounds that could fall from Killua’s sweet lips. He found himself sucking on the bottom of the white haired boys’ lips, there was no question to whether he enjoyed it or not, but Gon wanted to hear it.

Taking him by surprise Gon grinded down on to Killua fully, moving his hips deliberately, “ _Gon_ ,” he moaned out. Gon grinded down again deciding he loved the way Killua sounded, and with the kissing being stopped momentarily, Gon studied his uneven breathing. Killua’s eyes were closed and he had his own bottom lip between his teeth, his eyebrows were knit close together, he focused his mind on the patterns of Gon’s hip movements. Both focused on each other, neither realized this though.

Nails raked up and down Gon’s back, sending him to be just a little rougher as he let himself down on to Killua, “more,” Killua breathed. Gon looked down at the lust hungry boy below him, he noticed Killua had one finger hooked around his shorts, he tugged ever so slightly. Killua’s request was granted and this landed them both to be in just their boxers.

They picked up where they left off and Gon bent his head down as he was propped up on his elbows, his mouth making contact with Killua’s throat. Killua gasped in response, his fingers playing with the hair on the back of Gon’s head, “keep going.”

Although difficult, Killua managed to meet him “halfway” as he thrusted up as Gon went down, an action hard enough but harder due to the distraction he had literally attached to his neck. They worked in unison but Gon was needy, never the one to be patient.

Gon’s lips trailed down and his hands lifted Killua’s shirt up and off. He kept his hands at both sides of the ex-assassin’s hips, noticing the little scars that littered his pale skin. He took his time kissing the ones that he saw in the shadows the bedside lamp provided, making circles with his thumbs on his hipbones, “I hate the way they hurt you.”

Killua was in sensory overload, never once had he let someone touch him like this. He caught himself holding his breath too often, he had to remind himself to breathe, but Gon was so distracting. It almost didn’t feel real, Gon had shown up and already had him pinned to the mattress in the matter of an hour or so, but it didn’t surprise him. He was still so upset at the time that passed between them, but it never changed how he felt about Gon, he was never good at processing his emotions, but he knew he loved Gon. Melody’s observations and everyone else’s questions just confirmed his own thoughts, confirmed that this was right.

His kisses stopped right at the band of his boxers, Gon’s eyes peered up meeting Killua’s, both could’ve melted in that moment, no lust in their eyes. Only love. Killua’s boxers were slowly pulled down, Gon taking a second to place kisses along the newly shown skin, Killua lifted his hips and felt the cold air wrap around his now fully naked body.

Gon with his head between Killua’s legs already, dusted his fingers over the inside of his thighs, then tongue following his fingers lead. Killua bucked up, regretting it as Gon pinned him further down. His tongue then licked the base of Killua’s dick, lightly but effective, continuing the motion up his shaft. He did this until he had felt every inch of Killua, savoring the taste of the sweet boy. He circled around the head, sucking, licking, tasting.

“G-Gon,” Killua moaned, surprised with the ability Gon’s tongue had to make him feel this good.

Gon bobbed his head up and down, picking up the pace when Killua reached down and found his fingers in a mess of black hair, massaging Gon’s head. He took a piece of hair and curled it around his index finger at the same time Gon pushed his head all the way down, the tip of Killua’s dick hitting the back of Gon’s throat. He wanted to push his hips up so bad, but Gon’s arm stayed as a reminder that he couldn’t. Gon stayed with this deepthroating action until he felt hands leave his hair and wrap around his wrist that held Killua down.

“Please,” he breathed out, Gon continued and quickened his pace, allowing himself a few more bobs and then lifting up his head completely. Their eyes met once more, Gon licked his lips at the sight in front of him.

Killua looked distraught, his eyes were glazed over, mouth red from biting it, shaking slightly. He lifted himself back up to the boys’ lips, kissing them every so lightly. Gon wondered to himself how Killua’s lips could be so soft, how a boy with such a cold demeanor could feel so warm.

Interrupting his thoughts he noticed Killua’s fingers wander to the tent that grew under his own boxers, he rubbed the front of Gon carefully and used his fingers to pump him the fabric giving more friction. But the fabric was soon removed, Killua tugged on his underwear in one swift motion, taking the opposite approach from Gon.

Killua pressed Gon’s shoulders back and they quickly reversed roles, Killua took his placement, straddling Gon’s waist. He brought his hands up to his mouth covering them on spit, acting on pure instinct, and covered both of their dicks in it. He used both of his hands to pump them together but eventually rolling his own hips to do the work for each of them.

Gon threw back his dizzy head, as Killua worked fast, the electricity in him moving through his veins. They both moaned to each other, the language of love feeding their newly opened hearts.

“Gon,”

“K-Killua,”

“Oh my god,”

“Feels so _good_ ,” Gon finished the rest of Killua’s sentence.

“I think I-“

Gon cut him off with a shaky voice, “me too,” but Gon looked up to see Killua shake his head.

“No I,” a grunt with a snap of his hips separated his thoughts, “I love you.”

Killua’s eyes were hooded while he admitted it, not able to look Gon in the face, but it was okay because he understood. Gon intertwined their fingers as Killua grinded down on him, bringing his body down just a little further down, making the heads of their dicks rub against each other.

“I love you Killua.”

They both came, the aftermath landing on Gon’s chest but being quickly wiped away with one of the articles of clothing they had removed that ended up in grabbing distance. Killua went to lay down next to Gon but was reeled into the warmth of the tan boy’s chest, “I’ll never wait again,” he whispered into the cat eyed boy’s ear. They drifted into sleep, body’s close to one another, heartbeats aligned.

When they awoke the next morning Killua was able to step out of bed without the pain he had felt for the past three years, he glanced to the half-awake Gon, and finally-

He felt warm again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I appreciate any constructive criticism, thank you lovelies :)!


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